To Celebrate My Dad’s Birthday, Here are 10 Of His Best Recent Jokes
Today's my Dad's birthday!
He's a typical non attention seeking dude, you know how they are. When you ask them what they want to do for their birthday, he says, "Nothin'." When you ask what he wants for his birthday, he says, "Nothin'". But I guess that makes sense. He's retired now, so he can go where he wants, do what he wants, and get what he wants at any given time. So I understand that part wouldn't be anything special.
So what can I do? Embarrass him on my blog, obviously!
Actually, it's not that he's done or said anything stupid, so really it's that I'm sharing with all of you the wit and humor that my father shares with me. Here's some of his recent zingers:
I was with the same woman most of my life, and the greatest joy would be coming home finding her mad....but it wasn't my fault.
In my continuing effort to remain a civilized man, I think about having business cards printed that just say "Go screw yourself" , and then calmly pass them out.
I would really like to go to the fair today....but that would require putting on pants, so don't think I can do that today.
I give, I give and I give. I comb her hair, she comes and goes as she pleases, I buy her toys, a wide variety of food.....I leave the room for 10 seconds, and she's eating my burrito! No good stinking spoiled rotten cat!!!!!!!
My "give a damn boat" sailed over the horizon on fire years ago.
Just realized that I'm actually a 65 year old teenager. I eat Doritos and don't want to clean my room.
When Snoop Dog says, "Hey kids - don't do drugs" ....I doubt his sincerity.
After a long and detailed study, I have come to the conclusion that the left Twix cookie has more chocolate, but the right Twix cookie is sweeter and crispier. However, this is only my opinion I encourage you to do your own study and reach your own opinion. No animals or cats were endangered by this study.
The other day I ran out of NyQuil. I still had Jack Daniels. I still cough, but now I don't care.
I think Lana Del Ray is avoiding me.
I think I know where I get it from.
Happy Birthday, Dad, you're the best!