I Asked Chat GPT To Roast Sedalia, And… Things Got Interesting

Guys, I don't know about you, but my job is encouraging me to use AI. Not to write my articles, of course. AI (Not A-1) may be good, but it can't lower itself to my levels of immaturity. Probably not possible.

Anyway.

So I was playing around with the program, trying to figure out how it's going to help me and not, you know, erase my job. So I decided to ask it to do the meanest thing I could think of: Roast Sedalia.

I asked the program to give me a tongue in cheek roast, though. Because I'm a sensitive creature and I don't want to get too badly insulted by a computer.
So here goes! I won't show you the whole thing, just highlights.

Here we go, Joshua, give us the best you got.

You know you’ve entered Sedalia when you see three Dollar Generals, a Casey’s, and a suspicious smell that can’t quite decide if it’s cow manure or regret.

 

Okay, I gotta say, off the bat, the DG and Casey's.... that is pretty accurate.  That's a bigger issue somewhere.  Although sometimes I think that random smell is from the chicken trucks that drive through town.  But come on, it's gotta get done!  How else you gonna get your dino nuggets?  Grow up.

This is a town that hosts the Missouri State Fair with all the pomp and circumstance of a small-town wedding—if the wedding had fried butter and people riding mechanical bulls in American flag cargo shorts.

And clearly, this is a computer who has never actually experienced the joy that is a deep fried butter stick.  Don't knock it til you try it, Deep Blue.

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And let’s talk infrastructure. Driving through Sedalia is a high-stakes game of “Is that a pothole or a portal to 1973?” The roads are so cratered you’d think NASA was training moon rovers there.

When I read that... the way my brain said, "Well, it's not wrong."   Maybe I've gotten a little desensitized to it because, like everyone else, I know where the potholes are and we all drive around them. Believe it or not, it's nowhere near as complex as dealing with you, computer, and all your Master Control Program friends.  We remember to take the right lane on that stretch of 16th Street.

In conclusion, Sedalia is a place. That exists. On a map. If you're ever driving through Missouri and your GPS takes you through Sedalia, don’t panic. Just grip the wheel, avoid eye contact with the guy yelling at pigeons, and know that somewhere, somehow, someone is deep-frying a Twinkie in your honor.

Okay Skynet, you don't know WHY that guy is yelling at pigeons.  Maybe we all are tired of the pigeons shenanigans, HAL.  But really, I think I'd take the pigeon malarkey over....

via GIPHY

Although I suppose if you bring Keanu, we can talk.

Naturally yours,
Behka