And on the 10th day, Lo, the Lord made Sedalia.The Lord looketh down up on the Show Me State and decreed: "Verily, Sedalia shall reap what the People's Republic of Walton have sewn, and it is good." Study ye now, brothers and sisters, of the blessed Ten Commandments of Wal-Mart.

1.  Thou shalt use the cart corrals, and thou shalt not leave thy cart out in the space next to your vehicle.

Come on, people. It's just common courtesy. That's why they're there! It's someone's job to get those carts and bring them back in. It's not that hard.

2.  Thou shalt not place thy discarded dairy in the clothes section.

Seriously. Who would want to buy that after you decided you didn't want it? Not me.

3. Thou shalt not scream at the cashier for any reason.

If you ever question this, please do me a favor and visit this website: Not Always Right.

4.  Thou shalt use the bag recycling box.

You know you keep so many of those bags that they're clogging up the pantry. You can't even get anything on that shelf anymore. Yes, they're good to use to line the little garbage can in the living room, but you DON'T NEED TO KEEP THEM ALL, HUSBANDO.

5.  Thou shalt not walk slowly through the center of the main halls. If ye has to walk slowly, thou shalt move to the side.

I don't know why every browser or dilly dallying so and so has to stop right in the middle of the busiest part of the store.

6.  Thou shalt do the "peek" around at the end of the aisle so as not to collide with others.

I concede the peek does not always work. But try. I'll forgive a try, even if we almost crash everytime.

7.  Thou shalt always, always check for overstocked and or discounted bread.

Such good stuff! And most of the time, it's at least half off. I don't mind that it's a day old, those are some good kaiser rolls.

8.  Thou shalt not make a mess in the bathrooms.

Why does every person seem to think they have to just BURST with all lack of self control in the bathroom? Do those paper towels go on the floor? No. Does that toilet paper belong on the floor? No. Did you have to get water all over the place? No. Who raised you?!

9.  Thou shalt keep thy tiny child either in the cart or next to you at all times. Thou shalt not let yon child runneth free in the tire section.

I love kids, don't get me wrong. But if you have a little one, they sit in the cart. Or, if they're a little older, they walk next to the cart with you. Only when kids are about 12 or so and know to meet you at the registers when you're done should a kid be alone in this store. I don't know how many times I've seen a kid just sit down in the middle of the aisle somewhere trying to get into a bag of Goldfish. Where is your adult, little boy?

10.  Thou shalt always let yon brother with one item go in front of you if you have a full cart.

That isn't just a Wal-Mart commandment, it's just Sedalia polite. Sure, they have those self checkout things these days, but not everybody works them very well. If you see an old guy with just a carton of Half and Half, let him go ahead of you. The good karma will find you.

And Lo, the Commandments were given, and The Lord was pleased. And after all bread and fishes were put away, He Nibbled a little on a few things he just purchaseth. Feeling as if he should not spoileth his dinner, He Rested on the couch.

Commandingly yours,
Behka