Minority Opinion: Summertime Is Gross And I Hate It
I know. I know you love summertime. I don't. It's gross. I know there are a lot of good things about summer (my niece and sister's birthday, the Missouri State Fair, pool time), sure. But this is definitely my LEAST favorite season by far, and I dread it every year. Why? I'll tell you why, son.
Missouri summer is gross with the humidity. You step out of your house at seven am and you're immediately hit with a wall of stupid, thick air. Then you're sweating by the time you reach your car!
I know that the majority of insects serve a purpose in this world. They are important. But I still don't have to like them. They're everywhere and determined to try to crawl on me with their icky legs or they're trying to fly in my face. Not good.
I know why you're out. I know it's fun for you. But jeezy creezy the traffic in the summertime is awful. It's like if anything changes weather wise, people immediately forget how to drive. The Light's Green, Karen. That doesn't mean you sit there on your phone for another two minutes.
This is tied in with the humidity, I guess, but I just don't like the feeling of being hot. I don't like sweating. I don't like wearing less clothing, so I don't, and then I'm hot all the time. It's probably partially my fault, for having a layer of blubber. But still. Not fun. And then there's Jethro over there who feels like he doesn't need to wear a shirt with his cut off overalls. Put on a shirt, please. Nobody asked to see your third nipple and back hair. Nobody.
5. Yard Work.
I know some people find it theraputic or calming to do yard work. I know it's something that you have to do in our society. If you have a lawn, you have to maintain it. But pulling out the damn weed eater SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS. Sure, it's not as heavy as it used to be, but it still makes my forearms shaky for an hour afterwards.
That dang sun always seems to get me, no matter what I do. I could wear an inch thick layer of 100 SPF sunscreen and somehow I will still burn. And that's not only painful, but it's totally unattractive. I already look bad enough as it is, don't add in another reason for my face to be red. And the peeling, oh good lord, the peeling. Such suckage.
7. Storm Season.
We're used to being called Tornado Alley, sure. And a lot of the time stuff doesn't happen when we think it might. I hate the worry and panic and craziness that comes with summer storms. I know that might be controversial, but I'll say it: Tornadoes Suck.
8. Vacation Envy.
People always seem to take vacations in the summer. They always go somewhere that looks like it's out of a magazine, someplace that's by the ocean or somewhere where they literally swim in tequila. But I never really go on vacations because I use my time off for things like doctor's appointments and tending to sick Husbandos. So sure, you can go somewhere exotic and learn something about yourself, I'll be over here liking your photo but hating you just a little while I'm next to Doris at the doctor's office.
It's not even June yet and I already am dreading the next three months. Give me a nice autumn any day. Trees turning colors, jackets, the end of your nose being just a little cold... perfect. I want that. I want to be able to wear a sweater and drink hot chocolate comfortably. Is that too much to ask? Wake me up when September ends!