5 More Things You Won’t See At This Year’s Kidabaloo
Kidabaloo is coming up fast! It'll be here on April 27th. We're all pretty stoked around here, and naturally we're excited to tell you all about the great stuff we'll have there. But not everything works out as planned, you know. Sometimes, things just fall through the cracks. So I regret to inform you, here are five things you won't see at this year's Kidabaloo.
Bigfoot was going to be the key speaker at this year's Kidabaloo. It could have been so amazing and really drawn in the conspiracy aficionados, but the truth of the matter is, he's just too expensive too book. Can you believe he wants 50 grand just to make a half hour appearance? Geez. No wonder nobody can find him.
2. Bungee Jumping.
Turns out, the Matthewson isn't big enough for bungee jumping. Apparently it's "unsafe" and "people will crack their heads on the concrete". Pshhh. These people have to kill all the fun with their "rules" and "regulations". So somebody cracks their head open? Big deal! I'm not afraid of cleaning up a little brain matter!
3. Bald Eagles.
I personally thought it would be so amazing to have a few dozen bald eagles flying around in the Matthewson, protecting their eggs by pecking out the eyes of anybody who got too close to their nests. But this time, it just didn't work out. The eagles totally wanted to come, but they have a wedding that weekend. Turns out their best buddy from college, Steve, is finally marrying Cindy. The eagles just can't miss that one, since they owe Steve a solid from that time the eagles nearly got in trouble for unpaid speeding tickets. Steve made a call and made it all go away. They send their regrets, but they just can't come and claw our eyes out this time.
4. The Santa Barbershop Quartet.
I thought it would be a great idea to have four singing Santas. But.. they don't exist. Bummer. Maybe I could form a Santa quartet for next time.
5. Bags of Bees.
I thought a free bag of Killer Bees from Mexico would be a very educational gift for the children. Nature in action, right? Wrong. I guess the power that bee* decided that insuring thousands of Killer Bees in plastic bags would be too much to the costs of the event. Again, damn the man. Wouldn't it have been fun to have hundreds of kids covered in bees, though? They would be best friends! Sure, somebody would get stung and it'll probably mess up the local ecosystem, but... bees! Fun!
So, I'm sorry to tell you that we'll just have things like bouncy castles and free stuff at Kidabaloo. It's coming up April 27th at the Matthewson, just $5 to get in, from 1-4 p.m. See you there!
*I'm sorry. I'll see myself out.