Kids, this weekend was a busy one.  We had two nights out at the Mark Twain Apartments Fundraiser out at Dukes and Boots.

I don't really know what to say, because I am always surprised by the generosity of Sedalia strangers.  I had a great time out with Bruce and all the people that showed up. The food was amazing and the company was grand.   There were so many nice people from the Red Cross, the Salvation Army, all of the Dukes crew, and so many people who were just there wanting to help.

While I am at one hand enlightened and uplifted by events like these, I also can't help but feeling a little bit of sadness backlash.  Seeing all these nice people giving all these great things, filling two trailers and raising almost $4000, it just makes me wish even harder in that little part of my brain that still believes in magic that none of this had ever happened.

But every morning when I wake  up, I'm instantly reminded that I'm in my sister's foyer.  I'm never woken up by a hungry cat anymore, it's always the alarm on my cell phone.

When I sleep at night, my dreams are always rooted in that place.  My mother is never dead, certain friends never left, I'm surrounded by love and I have two pets to care for.   There was never any need to try to find lost pictures.  I never lost any of the decades old mementos and valuables from my grandmother and her family.  All the achievements and accomplishments  I've managed to scrape out of my life are still intact. My long devoted collections of books, records and other things I loved was never destroyed. I never let my family down by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The worst part is, I know I shouldn't feel this way.  It seems selfish.  So I'm trying to work against it by trying my best to get the others from Mark Twain to accept all the help these groups have provided.  I certainly hope nobody goes without due to pride.  I hope that everyone gets what they need and gets the chance to start over.  I hope that by me getting the word out that people who need it will get that help.

I thank you all so, so much for every kind thought, word, gesture, gift, or hug you've given.  I can't tell you what it means to me.  I also can't tell you how much I hope that everyone gets back on their feet and comes back better than ever.  I hope this cloud of guilt, this kind of malaise that surrounds me when I think too long about these things leaves with it.

Thank you all very, very much.