Apparently I’m A Complete Idiot When It Comes to Ceiling Fans

You guys, the house I own is an old one.  It was built in like, the early 20's, I think. So it's high ceilings, you know. An attic we don't really use.  A foyer. And in almost every room in the house, there are ceiling fans.  Two in the kitchen, one in the bathroom, one in each bedroom, one in the dining room, and one in the living room.  We're up to the gills in ceiling fans. We don't use them very much except in the kitchen, but occasionally we will.

We had to hire a nice lady to come to our house to help dust the high ceilings/fans, and she does a great job.  But apparently I have completely dropped the ball when it comes to these things.  And I was today years old when I found out.

APPARENTLY, you can change the way your ceiling fan moves. This is complete news to me. I read it online that the blades are tilted at an angle for a reason.   They should spin clockwise in the winter to pull colder air up from the floor, cos you know, heat rises.  That way it swirls with the warm air near the ceiling, moving it around and keeps you warmer.  In spring and summer, they should spin counter-clockwise to push the air down, so it blows on everybody and keeps you cool.

What Kind of Fresh Malarkey is THIS?!  We have never, in all my years, to my knowledge, ever done anything with a ceiling fan other than turn it on. Apparently there's supposed to be a little button or tab or doohickey that makes them spin in the other direction?! I guess I can be forgiven for this because it's not like I look at them up close.  I never did look for a button because they're like, fifteen feet up there.  I'd need a ladder to reach. I'm no good on a ladder, and I'm short anyway.  And I've never bought or installed a ceiling fan.  They were just there. And, honestly, I've kind of kept a polite and respectful distance from them since... The Encounter.

The closest encounter I've ever had with a ceiling fan is when one nearly fell on me in ninth grade. I remember I was sitting on the floor at home, doing my homework.  I was working at our living room coffee table, which always had a thick glass covering on it (to protect the wood and keep it clean, you dig).  Well, I was doing my algebra and minding my own business, wondering why Mrs. Ledgerwood thought I needed to know the Pythagorean Thingy for Anything, when WHAM.  The ceiling fan just fell from the sky out of nowhere, smack dab into the glass of the coffee table, sending shards all over the place.  The Whole Thing. Out of nowhere. The fan mechanism didn't hit me, but the wood blade did, right on the middle of my head.  Luckily my Grandma came by (unannounced, as always, just like all Grammas who have the key to your house) maybe two minutes later and found me.  She checked me over to be sure I didn't have any scratches or injuries and, well, I don't remember what happened after that.  The adults took care of it.  I had a bump on my head for a little while.  I had to be careful when I showered because my Mom was paranoid I might have glass in my hair. There was a strange looking hole in the living room for like, a week.

That was probably twenty five years ago.  I admit, even now, I look at ceiling fans with skepticism.  If they leave me alone, I'll leave them be.  If they get dusty, Loretta can handle it. But now.. now that I know this about these fans,... do I really want to tempt them? I mean, I do like the idea of being warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer. And I do like the idea of saving money on power bills.  But do I want to risk the wrath of the fan?  I might have to.

Did you know this about ceiling fans? Do you change them up every year? Or are you like me and just ignore them?

Fanningly yours,
Behka