An Open Letter To The Spider On My Front Porch
Dear reader, please indulge me for a second.
I have a front porch. You might have one, as well. We have nice little chairs that were made my Mennonites that we sit in on said porch from time to time. Recently I have noticed a little spider setting up his web nearby. He is a common garden spider I have decided to name Hoshi. In a perfect world, I could communicate with him. This is what I would say.
I hope you're well. I know the weather has been a little harsh lately, but I admire your fortitude when it comes to rebuilding your web. I don't know if you realize this, but normally, I would have screamed and swatted at you. I would have tried to kill you just for existing. That's not a threat, please don't be intimidated. I have seen the error of my ways. While naturally I wouldn't want you anywhere near me, I now see how important you are.
You see, Hoshi, I have been bit by several mosquitoes lately. And those mosquitoes have caused me much itchiness. I also see several June Bugs that are trying to invade my space. There was also a wasp that made me nervous a while back. I do not like this. You, however,... do like those things. You want to eat them.
I want you to eat them.
Please, Hoshi, help me.* Let's live in peace. You stay in your little spot away from my chair, and eat all the bugs you want. I promise to leave you alone if you do that. Just don't come near me, and I won't pull out the spider spray on you. I would like to think that you and I are in a truce of sorts. You don't touch me, I don't touch you. Deal?
Of course this deal is null and void if you decide to lay eggs. Then I'm calling pest control.
*Get it cos the lyric goes "Somebody help me.."
I'll see myself out.