Can Someone Please Explain This Thing That I Saw This Weekend?

Guys, this past weekend was a lot of fun for my boyfriend, NJ, and I. We went out and had some fun on a beautiful Saturday afternoon at the Cole Camp Fair.

Admittedly, we missed some of the competitions. And the parade. We needed our beauty sleep, okay? But we did see the rides, and a lot of different groups with all sorts of different crafts and goodies. We ended up doing some shopping at A Cole Camp Christmas (NJ's family is waaaaay into Christmas), we also stopped in to Back in Time Toys (nearly bought a Britney Spears Monopoly, had to think twice), and Happy Feet (NJ needed some Chiefs socks. Well, I decided that). And of course we had to get a couple slices from Calgaro's. Overall, solid time! It was so fun, and everyone there was having a great time. The weather was perfect, just the right amount of breeze. Good weather, good company, good shopping, good food. Can't beat it. NJ, who had never been to Cole Camp, was totally charmed by the whole experience, and was already talking about when we were going back. Then, as we were reluctantly headed out for the day, we saw....this.

Now, first of all, just know that NJ and I did not do anything stupid. We saw this on someone's grass but didn't step onto their property. Nor did we poke the animal or touch it any way. I ain't about to get no leprosy after a good day of games and sun.

But, you guys. I have so many questions.

First of all, is he dead? He could have been PLAYING dead, which is something I hear they do. Like I say, I didn't wanna risk trespassing or, you know, getting my eyes clawed out. I mean, I know that they're pretty docile creatures (I have Animal Planet, after all), but if he was playing dead, who knows WHY he was playing dead. Maybe seeing my pudgy mug would send him into panic mode, and there goes my eyes. It might have been just the one little shove needed to move him to choose the fight option versus flight. For all I know, he was on the run from a short, curly haired predator with glasses. And I wouldn't want to traumatize him like that.

Get our free mobile app

So.... did he find the bottle, or did someone give it to him? Did he have a little too much fun on the Good Slide? It did look busy. He might have been hogging it a bit earlier. The kids might have chased him off and it wore him out. Was he recovering from a night in the Jaycee's Beer Garden? Did he get cut off after the Girls Next Door performance? He just got dehydrated and just...conked after too much fun? Maybe a friend did him a solid and gave him something to rehydrate him after it all. "Sleep it off, Artie, drink this when you wake up."

And if he IS dead, did he die because of the energy drink, or was it something else? He doesn't look squished, so he doesn't appear to be run over by a car or anything. I didn't touch him, again, 'cos, you know, leprosy, but he also didn't look like he was chewed on. Or maybe he was POISONED. I didn't check the bottle, maybe he was trying to give us a clue to solve the crime! WHERE'S ICE-T WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

He could very well be alive and just got scared. I hear they can play dead for.... well, a very long time. So maybe he got spooked not long before we saw him, someone gave him a bottle for when he woke up, and we just caught him at the right time?

That's the one I choose to believe. I'm sorry to say I don't have the answers for Artie the Armadillo. Let's just hope that somewhere out there, he's enjoying some funnel cake with extra insects or something. The world may never know, and the case of Artie the Armadillo will remain.....unsolved.

Mysteriously yours,

Behka