I’m Not The Smartest Kid In The Room, But I’m Going To Try To Look Like It
Reading this right now, there's a chance you've read other stuff I've written.And if you have, you probably understand that I'm probably about two ticks shy of being a complete moron most of the time. It's part of my charm, right? Well, no more! I'm actively going to try to at least appear smarter to people.
Did you know research has actually PROVEN that wearing glasses can make you seem smarter? A survey in about five years ago found that 43% of people think glasses absolutely make you look more intelligent. So bam, I've had that one covered since I was about eleven. Thanks, bad vision!
What else can you do to appear smarter? It's not the obvious stuff, actually.
1. Walk at the same speed as other people.
A study in 2007 found that when you walk faster OR slower than the people around you, you're seen as being less intelligent and competent than when you walk at the same pace.
2. Avoid alcohol.
And not just because you're dumber when you've been drinking. A 2013 study found that just holding a drink makes you seem less intelligent.
3. Use your middle initial.
In a study last year, people's writing samples were rated more favorably when a middle initial was included in their byline.
4. Avoid using big words.
Which is weird, because you'd think big words would make you seem smarter. But a study in 2006 found the opposite is true. SIMPLE writing makes you seem more intelligent than jamming in a bunch of words no one knows.
Since I can't actually make myself smarter, I'll just have to go with these. Or I could, you know, try to improve myself or do something to educate myself, but come on. We know I'm too lazy for that.