I remember when Amazon first started out.  It was about books. Now, you can buy....just about anything from them. So I got bored the other day and decided to test the limits, and boy oh boy, Amazon did not disappoint.  Or maybe it should be more like, the human ingenuity and imagination didn't disappoint.  I mean, who comes UP with this stuff, anyway?

1.  Stainless Steel Butter Spreader Knife.


For all those times when you just didn't remember to get the butter out of the fridge before dinner.  This is actually pretty ingenious, now that I think about it.  And it's not like you can't just use it like a regular butter knife.  The big question is, why didn't someone think of this before?  We've just been smooshing our cold butter on toast like fools for generations!  How many times have I pierced the toast unnecessarily?!  You can buy it here.

2.  Egg Yolk White Suction Separator Divider.

This is just... no.  What's wrong with just using the dang egg to separate the yolks!? Or you could just use a dang water bottle if you wanted to,  I guess. Why spend six bucks and shipping on this freggin thing?!  You can buy this useless thing here.

3. The Finalstraw.


So apparently this has been on Shark Tank.  I wouldn't know, I don't watch that show. I guess they're trying to make people a little more environmentally friendly. I just can't imagine a straw being so important in your life. It even has a little carrying case. And it actually costs you like $25!!  Buy it here.

4. SipCaddy Bath & Shower Portable Cupholder Caddy.


This one... I just don't get it.  But that's probably because I'm not a bath person.  I take showers, quick ones at that.  Husbando says I take the quickest showers of any woman  he's ever known.  I doubt that, I just don't dilly dally in there.  I get in, do what I gotta do, and get out.  Five minutes, done.  But if you're a person who likes to soak in the tub, or if you're an alcoholic who can't go ten minutes in the shower without a beer,  you can buy  it here.

5.  Kytely Dog Doorbells.


I've never had a dog. I don't know the first thing about dog doorbells.  But apparently this is something you can use to train your dog to let you know when he has to do his business.  That's pretty convenient if it works.  They really thought of everything, the strap is adjustable for.... taller dogs? Is that the term you use?  I don't know.  Maybe someday if I ever get a dog, I'll find out. You can buy it here.

6.  Stainless Steel Tongue Scraper.


I've heard of these things before, but honestly, I don't see the point.  Don't you just brush your tongue?  Doesn't that do the same thing?  Or am I the only freak that brushes my tongue?  I just don't see the use of paying twelve dollars for.... a spoon, basically.  But hey, you  might be able to enlighten me. You can buy it here.

7.  I  DEW CARE Sugar Kitten Mask.


Oh, come on.  This is just... why? It's made with a ruby and pearl powder, and it turns into a holographic pink.  WHY does it need to be holographic? What's the appeal of that? Am I supposed to just stare at the mirror the entire time I have this thing on?  Cos it's not like I can see it change colors unless I do.  Who knows. You can buy it here.

Well, there you have it.  If you feel like you have been elucidated into the proper shopping experience, I am pleased.  If not... well, sorry I guess.

Shoppingly yours,