An Open Letter to Jana Kramer – Why She Should Take Me to Tropical Nights: Boots in the Sand
Let me start by saying that if for some strange reason your musical career falls through you'll have a bright future working as an interior decorator. Because you make every room beautiful.
My name is Rob, and I'm writing you this letter because I think you're awesome, and you should take me as your date to Tropical Nights: Boots in the Sand. We have a lot of things in common, and I think we would get along great!
For example, we're both from Michigan. In a foreign land like Mexico, you might get homesick. But we can talk about Michigan stuff together, like Coney Islands! You sing country music, and I listen to country music, which is pretty much the same thing. Another similarity we share is television. You've been on several TV shows. Which is funny because I happen to WATCH several TV shows. I mean we're practically the same person!
We obviously will hit it off great at Boots in the Sand. There's going to be tons of fun stuff for us to do! We can rub sunscreen on each other and work on our tans, go swimming, play golf, eat great food, go explore some of the nearby ruins and caverns, and most importantly, drink lots of drinks!
I know that you used to be engaged to Brantley Gilbert, who is also going to be there. You should probably have a date with you to avoid looking sad and lonely over the breakup. I'll be there for you. I've also analyzed Brantley's fighting technique in his music video for Kick It in the Sticks, and I THINK I could probably beat him up for you if he tries to start any trouble.
I saw an old picture of you two wearing leather jackets, so I want you to know that I too own a cool leather jacket. Well, fake leather, but close enough.
You can give me a call at the KIX 105 studio at (660) 829-1057. I look forward to hearing from you!
Your future ex-husband,