These 1878 Sedalian First Aid Hacks Are Absolutely Insane
Sometimes when I have a little downtime, I find myself looking up old Sedalia newspapers. I've told you about some of them before.
Anyway, I was minding my own business and reading the infamous Sedalia Bazoo from all the way back in 1878. Something came to my attention, a section of "health tips" for Mothers. Some of these you will NOT believe.
Kids being cranky in the summer? Booze is the answer!
We hope that mothers will remember that good brandy is a cure for summer-complaint; in bad cases one teaspoonful in taken in milk three times a day.
Oh Sure! Go ahead, get em ferschnockered!
Stomach problems? Booze again!
A flannel cloth, we in hot brandy, or better, camphor and brandy mixed and heated, will relieve the pain of the bowels if frequently laid over the stomach.
What's this guy's thing about brandy? Wait, is this written by the local liquor store?
Burned? Surprisingly enough, not booze!
For burns, an immediate application of flour covering the burns and wrapped so as to exclude the air. Burn lard until it is quite brown and apply, and relief and cure will soon come. Do not wash the flour off if it clings, but put the lard over it.
So you want to cure my burned hand by having me burn Crisco and put it on? Really? And what's with the flour? Are you trying to get someone to cure a burn by chewing their hand off?
Earache = Pepper.
To cure earache, take a small piece of cotton-wool, making a depression in the center with the end of a finger, and fill it with as much ground pepper as will rest on a 5-cent piece; gather it into a ball and tie it up, dip the ball into sweet oil and insert into the ear, cover the latter with cotton wool, and use a bandage or cap to retain it to its place. Almost instantly relief will be experienced, and the application is so gentle than an infant will be injured by it, but experience relief as well as adults.
But... why. Just why. What kind of old wives tale is this business? I Googled it, it's not like a cotton ball. It's fabric. And I guess people just had a ton of cotton wool laying around? Enough that they were putting pepper in it? I thought that was stuff you're supposed to wear, it's not necessarily supposed to go in your body. You know what, I'm happy to have modern medical science. How far we've come.