Husbando and I recently drove to Columbia to go visit his Mother for Mother's Day.  And, well, the whole trip made me nervous. I don't know how I've lost my nerve over the years, but I'm a chicken when it comes to driving on the highway these days.  So, I thought I'd put a little something out there in the hopes that we can make this experience better.

1.  Thou Shalt Not Have Thy Phone Out.

Just,... no.  Especially  not at 60 miles an hour.  I can't tell you how many people we passed along the way who had their heads down in their phone.

2.  Thou Shalt Not Weave In And Out Of Traffic. 

I swear, huge trucks were literally passing right, going past that other person, and then getting in the right lane again.  Huge trucks, not like an 18 wheeler big, but those big trucks that make you question if someone is compensating for something. There is no need to be driving like that!

3.  Thou Shalt Stop And Yield If Ye Is Crossing HH. 

It's like people don't realize they are literally crossing a highway. You have a stop sign there for a reason.  Sure, you just had some tasty food at the cafe.  That doesn't mean you have to DART OUT and just hope noone is going to hit you.

4.  Ye Shall Also Stop and Yield If Ye Are Turning Onto Grand. 

So many people just take their chances! "Oh, it's no big deal. There's only five tons of metal going down the highway towards me.  I'll make this turn whenever I want!"

5. Thou Shalt Not Bear Down On Thy Brethren Turning. 

You saw the turn signal.  You know they're probably going to Dickie Doo or something. Just move to the other lane! You don't have to nearly hit somebody just because they HAVE to slow down in order to safely enter a parking lot.

6.  Thou Shall Not Turn Left Into Taco Bell. 

I've harped on this before. I just don't understand why someone would enter the road with other vehicles coming, just to get  a taco.  Take the time and go around the other way! Is an additional two minutes of your time really that big of an imposition? Is the taco going to be less tasty if you have to spend that time?

7.  Thou Shalt Not Wait Til The Last Second To Merge Onto The Bridge.

You might want to really go down to Main street. I don't know your mind! This isn't a game of chicken! Is it so hard to merge over a little earlier? You're not Vin Diesel, son.

8.  Thou Shalt Not Drive 70 MPH Into Lincoln. 

So this one is out of town, but it's still on 65. There are signs, people.   You're on a highway,  yes, but there are people who live there and have to deal with you every day. There are people who are just trying to go to the donut shop and live their lives.  SLOW DOWN.

9.  Thou Shalt Not Shine Thy Brights Into Thy Bretheren's Vehicle. 

Okay, I get that you want to keep your brights on.  Sure, you're being wary of deer or whatever.  But you know you're being a pest when you keep them on when you're behind someone. You know that.  Just Stop It for thirty seconds and pass.  Then you can turn them back on.

10.  Yet Shalt Not  Peel Out On Yon Merging Lane. 

I used to live over in that area, and I tell ya, there were COUNTLESS times that I was woken up by some jerkface who just HAD to burn rubber going up to 65 from Main. Nobody is impressed with your antics.  No girl is going to say, "Oh, well, now that he's accelerated so quickly, NOW I want to make out with him." We're all rolling our eyes at you.  You should know that.

What would you add to the list?

Drivingly yours,
Behka