Valentine's Day will be here before you know it.  So I thought, now is the time to maybe set the record straight on a few things. 

So dudes of the world, know this - your lady probably won't want you to do most of these things.  I mean, everyone is different and I'm not trying to say I speak for all women all around the world, but you know what I mean.

1.  Cheesy gifts.

Like heart-shaped jewelry and stuffed teddy bears. Seriously, I have gotten a few nice little romantical necklaces and stuff from Husbando, but he doesn't know anything about jewelry. So he'll buy me something, I'll wear it for a while, and eventually the chain breaks and I have to replace it.  And since I'm lazy, that rarely happens.  And what are we gonna do with a teddy bear? It's just gonna take up space on a couch or something.

2.  Fighting over you.

For whatever reason, men think it's romantic to get in a fight with another guy over you, even if it means getting arrested.  When really, there's NOTHING romantic or sexy about jail time.  There is also nothing romantic or sexy about the bail bondsman's office. And furthermore, what am I, an object to you? Whoever wins the fight "gets" me, and I have no say in the matter?  Screw that.  I'm able to choose on my own, thanks.

3.  Public proposals.

These CAN be romantic, but it has a better chance of going wrong than if you just made it a private thing between the two of you.  And really, I don't think I'd want dozens or hundreds of people staring at me.  Part of me likes the idea, sure, because I've seen movies and television.  But in reality, I don't want everyone to see into my personal business.  That kind of stuff is supposed to be just mine, you know?

4.  Buying anything that requires a commitment.

You'd better think long and hard before you buy her a puppy, a car, or anything that requires ongoing care, maintenance or payments.  What happens if you break up?  What are you gonna do, have a puppy custody schedule? Puppy child support?

5.  Scaring you.

There's nothing sexy about sneaking up behind someone and scaring them while they're making dinner.  That's how people get stabbed.  I'm looking at you, Husbando.

6.  Tickle fights.

It's all fun and games until someone pees their pants. And really, I don't like being tickled.  It kind of hurts? I mean, it's confusing.  Because in a way, I want to laugh, but I don't like it at the same time.  I know in some countries, tickling is used as a torture tactic. So, just... don't. Unless you know your lady is really into it.  Communication might be good there.

So, men of the world, hopefully you will take this as it is intended... not very seriously.  But you might ask your lady about these, you might be surprised about her answers.

Romantically yours,

Behka