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I Have Read “50 Shades of Grey” [REVIEW]

50 Shades of Grey
Amazon.com

I took the time out of my life to read “50 Shades of Grey” and I can sum up this massively popular novel in two words.  IT SUCKS!

It is quite possibly the worst piece of literature that I’ve ever read.  To paraphrase a line from “Billy Madison,” I actually may be a little more stupid for having subjected my brain to this book.  If author E.L. James had submitted this drivel to any college professor worth their salt, they would have given her a ‘C’ at best.

The descriptors are repetitive and there is no flow to scene settings.  After reading the dialogue, I don’t care if I ever see the words “murmur,” “mutter” or “breathed” again.  I know a lot of otherwise strong and intelligent women that have told people this book is a “must read.”  I’m genuinely shocked.

I know what you’re thinking.  “Bruce! It isn’t the writing skills that has women reading this book cover to cover.”  Okay, so what is it?  The sex?

The book is written by a woman from a woman’s perspective.  I can see where women would find the sex scenes scintillating.  The writing focuses more on what the heroine is feeling rather than describing exactly what is happening. It isn’t overly vulgar like one would expect from a novel that is billed as “Mommy Porn,” and even what is described as “vanilla” sex in the book has much passion.  Of course, it does go into some hardcore fantasy that women are now allowed to ask for in their relationships, but I don’t think that is the only reason this book is so successful.

It is the classic story of an innocent girl meeting a bad boy that is set in his ways.  As the two commence in an affair, he finds himself changing.  He makes concessions for her and she finds herself drawn to his dark and mysterious side.  Basically, it is “Grease” without music and a little S&M built in.  OH!  Let’s not forget that Mr. Grey is abundantly rich.  So there are no day to day worries involved in the relationship at all.

What do you think ladies?  Did I miss something? Or did I just hit the nail on the head?  Comment below and click share!

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