Happy Festivus: Doug Airs His Grievances and Celebrates Feats of Strength
The month of December is full of holidays from Christmas to Hanukkah to Kwanzaa to one that started with ‘Seinfeld,’ Festivus. I have to admit, this is not one that I normally celebrate, but since the episode had such a following, there are now Festivus parades, Festivus poles and competitions to demonstrate feats of strength. But what really is this holiday all about? Is it really a parody?
If you stick with the family tradition that Seinfeld writer Dan O’Keefe says was done, then you would have an unadorned aluminum Festivus pole, air your grievances, show feats of strength and also perform Festivus miracles.
I find that this year I am participating. I don’t have the pole, but I do have an old step ladder in the corner of my office. That counts doesn’t it?
I do have to air one big grievance. It seems that we have all kinds of Christmas music, which we will play starting a midnight tonight and then going through midnight on Dec. 25. With all this Christmas music, one would think we would have one of our mainstream artists perform or come up with a Festivus song. All I could find is this one Festivus Carol.
Come on somebody needs to sing about it. Grivience done.
That leads me to feats of strength. I have to say my daughter, Lillibeth, showed the best feats of strength I have been a part of recently. She is signed up for futsal and played goalie for the first time. She was a beast in front of the net. At the end of the first half last night, she stood in front of the net as a player was on a breakaway, he took his best, hardest shot and she stood in front of it, blocking it with her chest. She got the wind knocked out of her, but got up and almost blocked the rebound shot. I was quite impressed for my daughter. I know you’re asking, what is my feats of strength. Well, I did just finish mopping up the restroom with three mops. That counts, doesn’t it? Okay, I probably need to work on that.
I think I may have finished the Festivus miracle, by being able to work on three stations at one time. It’s easily explained by the automation systems we have. Okay, so that’s not quite a miracle, but I’ll work on that one too.
So what have you done on this Festivus Day to honor the virtues of the day? I’d write more, but I need to go get my Festivus Pole, before it’s too late. Plus, I have to get ready for the Festivus Dinner.